im off to the sea..

i decided to revive this blog..
but now i’m off to the beach.. so when i’ll get back i’ll continue the revival process :)

Valentines day Smalentines day ...

Lamest day on the planet.
I know by now that what i’m about to write is cliche, but seriously, why does there have to be ONE day where people send gay toys and red hearts to other people?

Surely, if you love someone, and you have the urge to shower them in tacky red&pink coloured gifts, you should have the freedom to do so whenever the heck you want?

Ramblings of dizziness.

Everything i’m about to say/write, i’m probably going to regret. Its just that i can’t keep it in anymore, can’t keep this all inside!

I don’t know why us women trust men. I don’t know why we tell them the things that are closest to our hearts, and share with them our most personal moments. But we do. Thats nature.. The way things are meant, and made to be. But seriously, men suck.
They can’t commit, can’t be honest. They do what they like whenever they like, run around leaving hurt girls in their wake.

Now, i don’t know how a broken heart feels because i truly believe that to experience that degree of brokenness you have to love- fully. My beliefs on love are another story, but i’ve never really loved. Not with my whole heart. But flip do i know the capacity men have to hurt us!

Sometimes i can’t take it! i want to live on a planet sans men!
Its torturous. Life can be too much!
A little bit of commitment.
A little bit of honesty.
It would go a long way!!

Why are us humans so cowardly?

Poem

This poem speaks for itself.

she climbes onto her bed,
and hopes the blades not there,
that is her biggest nightmare
as well as biggest prayer

but she does not pray often,
a waste of time she supposes,
why try to talk to someone who is not even there,
why try to talk to someone who does not appear to care

and so as she looks inside the case with mingled feelings of distrust
she finds her source of relief,
her weapon of disgust

now it will be alright,
she hopes it will be ok,
she has the usual sense of dread
but for an odd reason,
tonight, she begins to pray

her words are filled with anger,
her tone portrays her distrust
but tonight is different,
and she feels she must no longer cut

as a sense of calm begins to touch her
she drops the blade to the floor
and instantly she realizes
it will be needed no more

the tears begin to form
a miracle in its self
she has not cried since god knows when
and now she pours out her self doubt

slowly she starts to realize what she has known all along
and softly and slowly
she breaks out into song

her saviour is with her
there will be much less pain
he will protect her
and suddenly she sees HOW MUCH she has to gain

she’ll change, she will
she knows she can do it
because God is with her
and he’ll help her through it

-Nikita

Friends.

Its funny how you rely on friends so much, how they’re there to chat, to laugh, to cry. And yet, they’re the ones that hurt you the most.
They say thoughtless words. Do hurtful things.
And worst of all they leave when you need them. Maybe they don’t physically leave, but its enough that they’re absent.

i loved this quote: “Friendship walks in when the world walks out.”
But could it possibly be: “Friendship runs out when the world walks in.” ??
Where are they when you need them the most? Busy with their own lives? Busy trying to replace you? Saying, and more so, doing things that imply, “you mean very little to me.” I’ve yet to have one friendship that hasn’t disappointed. And yet there’s a hole without them.
All i know is, it hurts.

But thats the pattern my life seems to follow. The things i love the most break into a thousand pieces. And i’m usually the one that causes them to smash.
But you have to pick up the pieces, and rebuild the things you love. Watch your precious handiwork destroyed, but mend, as broken as you may be.
Thats life.